2013/12/15

Today. Second day without maid and my life is getting more and more sucks. Seems like you both's relationship is getting better than .last time. It's good maybe? I don't really know. I'm getting more and more confuse until i don't know what i suppose to do. Early in the morning when you came in and start to scold me that i don't do the houseworks. I'm just trying to get some rest for myself,can you understand? I'm still having class on monday and i just want to get more rest as i've really tortured by both of your relationship and those words that you keep repeating for a million times. I'm done with all these. You enjoy doing all the houseworks but i don't. You complain that i didn't help you up on doing housework but you never realise that i will need sometime to get used of it and somemore you're FORCING me to do it. I'm really tired with all these. You've did enough to hurt me. During night time i just want to buy some biscuit for in case that i have nothing to eat in house and i won't starve. Today you don't even buy me lunch. You bought 2 packs of noodle for 2 of my brother but not for me. I don't mind that you don't buy anything for me but at least let me buy something to put in the house in case of getting starve. I really can't get what is in your mind. Why do you want to be so selfish to your son? I'm your son but not others people. You prefer to be kind to others people but not your own family members? Why? Everytime when i'm just trying to request for something you'll said that i'm wasting money but you don't even listen to my explaination. Why don't you just be more kind and try to understand how i think? Do you know i'm so so so stress these few days? I'm so stress is because of you. I don't even know how to stay with you in my following life. I have no choice but stay with you because mom can't take care of three of us. I choose to stay with you because i want both of my brother to stay with mom and i don't want them to suffer like how i did now. I try not to think but i can't do it you know? Sometimes i do wet up my pillow in my room do you know? I always pretend that i'm fine and be happy everyday is not because of i want. I just don't want to let anyone to see how sucks i am and how shit my current life is. I'm really stress do you know? I still got a lot of my studies to cope with. I can't catch up with the syllabus already, but i still have to deal with all these stuff which i not suppose to and i'm really distract by you. Everytime you tell me the same thing and trying to remind me how sucks my future life would be, why don't you try to figure it out how to make our life better? i know our family is going to broke but why you're like not going to do anything to solve this problem but keep on complaining this and that? I'm your son, i need you to take care and protect me but until today this moment i feel like you can't even protect or take care of me. You always say that our topic only left something related with money but do you think why? I really don't know how to talk to you, i don't even don't know what we should talk and what you really like. i think it's enough for today. I'm really tired with this. I just want to rest and leave all these away. I want nothing but rest. Tim wish to be loved.